It all started with a bloody nose which led to a cough. Soon, it turned into a chest infection. I kept working through it, as I always do. Being self-employed and a solopreneur means if I don't do it, it doesn't get done. But this time, it was different. the infections quickly overwhelmed my body and I developed a UTI. So I decided to stop working and focus on my health.
Caring for others comes naturally to me. But caring for myself? Well, that’s a whole other ballgame. Except, as I’ve come to learn, it isn’t really. Through working with a professional, I realized that self-care is actually self-compassion. It's about how I treat myself both physically and verbally. Especially when living with eight autoimmune conditions. I’ve come to realise that it's important to practice extreme self-compassion, especially when my body is struggling.
So, I stopped working and tried to rest. I sent a few emails, watched Netflix, drank water, took my antibiotics, and ate foods that helped my poor gut biome. I slept a lot. But it was hard to stop when the world kept turning around me.
Time passed slowly. I needed more antibiotics, but I persisted in giving my body the space it needed to get better. My racing mind slowed, and the skies of my internal landscape were sometimes blue and sometimes grey. There were good days and bad days. There were days when my Type One Diabetes complicated the picture.
Finally, towards the end of January, I emerged, walking slowly to the shops, to school, and then going to the gym. There’s a part of me that would like to be curled up on the sofa with a hot water bottle, but I'm happy to have started 2024, even if a bit later than everyone else.
Being sick taught me four things. Here they are.
The world will wait. Time won’t stop. People will email or the phone will ring. And you still need to eat and sleep. But the world will carry on, even if you stop. It will not fall apart without you. What it will do is be a struggle. if you struggle to recover. So, rest a while. When you’re ready the world will welcome you back with open arms and you’ll have the strength to hug it.
You are not as important as you think you are. Of course you are to your family and friends. But to the world you’re one of 7.8 billion people. Individual, soft, unique and tender, yes. But you are not so important that you should push your precious self beyond its capabilities.
Patience is a tricky bedfellow. It’s a beautifully impossible thing to juggle. “I must get better”, “I will myself to recover”, “Why am I not better today?”. We tell ourselves impossible things, asking questions that only time knows the answer to. Instead rest in the space of your breath, live within the knowledge that you won’t recover in a state of stress. Wait, undercover, like a hibernating bear, resting until you are strong. It will end and your world will turn again.
Self-compassion is key. Until then, exercise self-compassion in buckets. Practicing kindness to yourself is not impossible, but for many it feels like it is. So rather than thinking of self-care, and how you do this, rather think about how you treat yourself, both mentally and physically. Do you let yourself acknowledge things are hard? Do you give yourself space to breathe, or rest if your body is tired? Are you acting in the best intentions of yourself, as you would a child, or a friend? Are you showing up for yourself everyday in a way that is kind, caring and compassionate?